In her own words, “this is the story of how I decided to become a single mom on my own, how I got knocked up with science and an anonymous sperm donor from the internet, how my little muppet came into the world, and how we are doing it, day by day, just the two of us. And it’s nothing short of a billion times better than I ever thought possible.”

We caught up with Sarah to chat about her IVF journey and single motherhood… 

‍Life before baby

My life before kiddo was really based around spending time with my favorite people and having amazing adventures. Whether that was during the ten years I spent in Jackson Hole, WY, or after moving to Colorado. I am a skier, hiker, biker, terrible fly-fisherwoman, and an even worse surfer, but traveling, getting outside with friends, and finding purpose in the marketing and brand work I was doing were really my main priorities. As my thirties moved forward, finding a partner and starting a family became more important, especially as friends began to get married and start families, a shift in friendships began to happen.

Journey to IVF

I was naive and thought I would spend a few thousand on some IUIs and sperm and get pregnant. But as the retrievals and medications added up, and with no insurance coverage for fertility, it became very clear that this was going to be a massive endeavor. Since I wasn’t entering the fertility world after a year of trying with a partner, I had no reason to think it would be challenging. That naivete quickly faded when IUIs didn’t work, and my egg retrievals didn’t go well. I chose IVF after three rounds of egg retrievals, which resulted in only one embryo, and thankfully the first transfer worked.

Honestly, I used savings, cashed out a 401k, and maxed out some credit cards to cover costs. At the time, it was incredibly stressful because I didn’t know if it would work, but now, of course, that money was so worth it. It just took a while for me to build back up financially.

The hard parts & unexpected joys of IVF

The two rounds with no viable eggs were heartbreaking and financially disappointing. But I was determined to do whatever it took to start a family, even if that meant moving to adoption, egg donation, or whatever the next step required. Physically, I did okay. After a while, the shots made my torso pretty sore, but for me, the end result was worth every moment of challenge. I found some silly ways to make it “fun,” like organizing my needles into a little "needle bar" on my counter so everything was fast and easy in the morning. I also found tricks, like icing my belly before and after shots and using cheap face masks from Trader Joe’s on my belly as a nice, cold, moisturizing last step. I was doing most of this during COVID, too, the isolation was hard. But strangely, it gave me a purpose through that slow time.

My doctors were incredible! After two years of going in for bloodwork and appointments, we really got to know each other, having their support was great. When things didn’t work out, they were so candid and honest with their four-letter words, which was really refreshing. I learned so much through this process about how much I wanted this. It becomes so clear, as you make one decision after the next and spend large amounts of money, whether this is the right path or not, and it just felt right. I also had a few friends who really showed up for me through this process, coming to retrievals and transfers and being there with me, which meant the world.

Identity & support through IVF

I absolutely identify as a single mom, but it’s not the most defining factor about me. Often, I feel like I’m stamped with that title, and people lead with it in introductions, which doesn’t bother me at all. But I truly would love to find a partner, so there’s a balance there. My dreams have shifted more toward what I want to share with my daughter. I’ve always wanted to travel or live abroad, and now I’m seeking ways to do that with her in ways that feel supportive and financially viable.

During pregnancy, it was really just a very close circle of friends who knew. One of whom is a midwife, NP, and mother of four. Her expertise and support were essential throughout the process. As for after my kiddo arrived, I don’t have anyone living with me or close by who provides childcare. My family lives in KC, so they come to visit but aren’t nearby. My brother lives down the street, so during pregnancy and now with my toddler, he can pop over to say hi or watch her for a few minutes while I take a work call, which is a lifesaver.

She has an incredible daycare during the week, and I have a great list of babysitters she loves. This combo is essential to my ability to work. Socially, I’m very lucky to have an amazing community of friends, both parents and non-parents, whom I prioritize seeing often, both with Ellie and on my own. I try to balance my time with her solo, our time with other toddler and family friends, and then time without her when I can be more present with friends and enjoy that quality time. Solo time is rare, but so needed when I get it.

Personally and professionally, I’m seeking work that continues to offer the freedom I’ve had so far as a consultant. To be home if she’s sick, work remotely if we’re traveling, or even take the morning off to nap if that’s what I need most. I’m distancing myself from stressful or toxic clients, projects, or anything that quickly empties my cup and leaves me depleted at the end of the day with nothing left for my kiddo.

My hope of finding a partner, maybe even one with kids of his own, is still there, but dating apps aren’t exactly great for mental health. I make both daily and long-term decisions differently now. More intentionality, less spontaneity, with careful thought about who’s involved, the finances, and what each experience will be like for us individually and together.

The importance of community 

Community is huge! My friends and family have been incredibly supportive. I’ve also had to come to terms with the natural shifts in friendships that happen when friends have kids of different ages or don’t have kids at all. It took me a while to realize that I needed friends with kids the same age, but once I did, it’s been so helpful to have pals going through the same developmental milestones and whose kids enjoy the same activities. There’s nothing like meeting up with another tired mom after school, combining random groceries for a freestyle dinner, sharing a glass of wine, and joking about the ridiculous things our kids put us through that week.

I’ve also found a ton of new connections through my podcast, which has been so energizing connecting with single moms from all over, with varied experiences and perspectives. Being able to exchange stories has brought me so much joy. Whether it’s other single moms, partnered friends, family, great sitters, teachers, therapists, or personal trainers, building a team to support your specific needs is essential to feeling like you, and your family, are supported. Those needs are constantly shifting, so feeling grounded as a parent is tough. But having community and steady support makes it so much more enjoyable.

Advice for women considering IVF

I wish I’d saved earlier. I wish I’d frozen my eggs way earlier. Those two things would have made all the difference in the world. Beyond that, though, I wish I had started this process sooner and not let the “I’ll wait until…” or “I can’t do this until my job, bank account, or life looks a certain way” narratives take over. If I had started earlier, I would probably have had a few kids.

What I would tell another woman is to take it day by day. Don’t feel the need to solve for a problem you might have down the line, like “What if my teenage kid has issues with not having a dad?” Start by meeting with a fertility team, getting bloodwork done, and seeing how you feel. Then take each decision one day at a time and check in, ask yourself, does this still feel right? If it does, keep going. The decisions down the line look way different when you’re actually in them than they would at the beginning, so just make the next right step for you.

Also, you can still travel, date, find a partner, and do the things that make you, you. It just takes a bit more work, so don’t see having a child as giving up on all of that, it’s just a reshuffling of priorities. I feel more like myself than I ever have, because the thing I wanted most in the world is now here with me.

Connect with Sarah on our app or through her podcast, You & Me, Kid, where she dives deeper into her journey as a single mom.